I gave him his last tuck-in as a 12-year-old last night. Right now, there’s still a Christmas tree lit up in our living room, but it’s sporting a Happy Birthday banner dangling off the big star on top—stretching to the curtain rod. Yes, it’s January, and there are birthday presents underneath that tree. Multi-functional? I think so. I also think the tree is coming down tomorrow, but if you’re the only one in the family with a birthday next door to Christmas, you’re allowed a few special requests like that.
“You have four boys at home right now?” My hairdresser had asked in her thick accent, mid-snip.
Technically, they were on the basketball court at the park, but it was easier to answer with a simple “Yes.”
With big eyes, the older lady waiting her turn beside me asked, “How old are they?”
Which then led to, “You have a 15-year-old? You look way too young to have a teenager!”
I’m not going to lie; I love it when that gets said to me, especially when I’m in the middle of an informational session on the options for covering gray hairs.
Thanks to today’s birthday, next time, I get to casually announce in conversation that I have two teenagers.
My birthday boy has declared today a national holiday. He’ll be taking a one-day sabbatical from all education and chores and deciding his activities, outings, and entire menu for the day. This means that at 6:08 a.m. he was seen playing a basketball simulation game on the old PlayStation, and today’s breakfast was delicious, not nutritious.
I was a teenager once, and so was my husband, but that was back in the 1900s. Back when computers were big boxes you used in high school computer class, not tiny devices that littered your home and wrists in different apple forms. It’s a wild new world these guys are navigating, with its own language, unlimited distractions, expectations, and intensity. I’m so glad we’re doing the journey with them. I’m grateful they get to forge their way through their teenage years before leaving home.
As a side note, we watched Inside Out 2 this past week. I should add it to my bibliography at the end of all my words here for the entertaining insight it offered. My favourite scene was the Embarassment character just lying across the entire control panel.
Over the years, several people who have had teenagers or who have teenagers have been quick to offer disclaimers about how these years will be so difficult. I believe them, and for some people, I know it can be excruciatingly painful… but I’m also going to throw in the fact that, for the most part, teenagers are great. They are some of the most hysterically funny people I have ever hung out with. They are sometimes still like small children trapped in an unfamiliar and rapidly expanding body they can barely keep up with. They are learning how to shave, how to drive, how to handle the intense onslaught of hormones, and are increasingly being quizzed about their five-year plan while they’re just trying to survive high school.
And lest we forget, just a decade ago, they were all toddlers.
Did you know there will be one point in time when my boys will be 13, 15, 17, and 19? I feel mathematically proud and slightly alarmed over how much food I will need to cook. We finally broke down and joined Costco this year. It was my 41st birthday present request.
I used to work in a high school. Now, I volunteer in my church’s youth group department. I like this age. Is it always easy? Nope. It’s an age of complex emotions and opinions in a cocoon of awkwardness. However, I’m also a bit of those things, which is maybe why I like them so much.
I’m afraid this can’t be a “How To” article because the truth is, I don’t know the secret to raising teenagers; I’m not sure anybody does, including the teenagers themselves… But our family always tries to be gracious with all its members, and each day holds many opportunities to learn how to do that well. As we’ve moved from dipping our toes into teenage waters to full foot submersion now, we have discovered a few things at our house that have helped our navigation process.
Every single day, we need to:
- Love them.
- Listen to them.
- Pray for them.
- Have fun with them.
- Feed them.
- Clothe them.
- Find ways to say yes as much as possible.
- Thank them, encourage them, and speak life into them.
- Teach them life skills with as many lessons as they need.
- Respect them, be gentle with them, and ask the good Lord for patience through it all.
After all, they are His babies and His children. They’re His teenagers; and one day, they’ll be His adults raising the next generation.
Thank heavens God gave good instructions on “How to love people well” inside my Bible. And I know He loves our boys even more than we do, and His plans for them are so good.
Of course, some days might feel like we’re inside a maze, blindfolded… juggling flaming torches.
But other days will feel like a big heap of laughter around the dinner table as big brother repeatedly blows out little brother’s birthday candle.
Parents, we’re like teenage forest guides – and by God’s grace (and sometimes with an overdue Christmas tree), we’ll get these teenagers through this multi-year hike to the other side of the metaphorical mountain – with a sandwich in our pocket, and a smile on our face.
Rebecca Bergman 
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