It was kind of like an exchange program.
Within days, we had said goodbye to my son and hello and welcome to a tall nephew who was to take my son’s place for 10 days. He got his bed, coat hooks, shoe shelf, toothbrush drawer, and video game controller. And most of all, he got his three little brothers.
The biggest brothers were off to work at our favourite camp for two weeks, and little brothers were set to play. Sound fair? Maybe not, but the non-workers knew it’d be their turn to work one day soon.
The camp workers were up early and in bed late. The report came back that they were working 10 hours a day doing dishes, bathrooms, and who knows what else… tasks this mama is eager to have cultivated. They were tired, but I think they were mostly still happy. However, it’s hard to tell from a teenager’s “k” text messages or 24 hours of silent response between communication. Thankfully, their late-night videos of shenanigans they showed us after camp confirmed there was still a little playtime for them, too.
Meanwhile, little brothers were living the dream. They were getting more than adequate sleep each night. A few times, we did the whole, “Yeah, run up there, and make sure he’s still breathing; he’s been sleeping so long” bit. An occasional dishwasher unload would come their way between cereal bowls and fancy baked chicken strips. For the most part, the four boys at my house were in full-on vacation mode.
Early on, I realized that the six of us who remained at our house, all of us were younger siblings. Even the adults.
So, I suggested, “Do you want to make this time violence-free? We don’t need to wrestle, sit on, or headlock anyone, do we? Or take the best seat from everyone, the biggest slice of pie, or yell shotgun hours before driving?”
They all nodded in collective agreement. They understood the rarity of their situation as much as I did. And for the most part, we had a pretty chilled-out two weeks. Only a few technical fouls were served, along with two ejections from the game of ‘youngest siblings camp.’ And interestingly enough, towards the end, new alpha males were rising to replace the missing biggest brothers. Isn’t society fascinating?
I learned how to make popsicles everyone liked. I relearned the right amount and type of food to prepare for the change in appetites and tastebuds, and the boys learned to earn their screen time with outdoor time.
My husband had a grand tuck-in procedure each night for all remaining boys. Most were tucked in like warm little burritos while waiting for the bedroom air conditioners to kick in. Nearly 6-foot nephews were hoisted like toddlers onto top bunks instead of using the attached ladder. We had to check the upper bedrooms with bright lights and play lots of Adventures in Odyssey before they’d fall asleep.
I demanded silly things like shower relays, putting the 12+ pairs of shoes away that were always in a heap by my door, and I said things like “Hey, eat your milk products in the kitchen and your popsicles over a bowl.” And, of course, “Give me the clothes off your back and put on fresh ones.” The laundry ran daily like usual.
I’d announce a final call for snacks in the late evening for the two ‘almost teenagers,’ before we spent many consecutive nights watching silly movies an hour at a time.
In the midst of all that, there was cousin bonding like we’ve never seen in the whole relationship’s history.
Friendship really grows with time spent together.
By the end of our weeks, I was applying bandaids to the bottom of feet and charcoal masks to faces. I learned how they take their coffee and like (or do not like) their eggs and that yogurt parfaits are comfort food. And most of all, I learned that they’re still the same little boys inside of the very big bodies that now house them.
These cousins have been forced friends since birth, and each intentional visit has built upon the last.
Remember the big brothers I told you about earlier? The ones who went to work at the camp? These photos are taken 14 years apart, a few feet apart…
They’ve come full circle with the camp shovels, no?
I fondly remember hanging out with my cousins, aunts, and uncles as a kid. That was back in the day of clip-on earrings, Ninja Turtle playsets, and street hockey. I remember having swim parties in their giant jacuzzis, going to the zoo, and being given a special plastic tooth to hold my unexpectedly lost one. I also remember a lot of early morning cartoons, pancake breakfasts, and epic sleepovers.
It’s SO funny to be on the other side of it now. To be the Aunt, the pancake maker, cleaner-upper, sheet changer, money-hander outer, shoe picker-upper, and sock washer. To be clear, I love my current role too.
Extended family is special, and even though it’s complicated to get distantly located or locally located ones together (especially as cousins get older), it’ll always be one of my favourite things to fight for. There’s a special cousin bond that’s different from just a regular friend bond, and it’s been a joy and a privilege to get to see that close-up over the years.
I read somewhere this week that we will mostly know our kids (and nieces and nephews) as adults. Obviously I know that, but it was good to actually stop and think about it. The ‘kid’ window is so very small. So what a gift it is to know these sweet people as babies, toddlers, kids, teenagers, and THEN adults.
My concluding thought is that the wonder of time is never lost on me. One day, sooner than I realize, the roles will change again. The cousins I hosted at sleepovers will be the uncles and the fathers. They’ll pick the movies, play the short basketball games with bad knees, be the pitcher for the late-night twist on the game of baseball, all before they tuck their nephews (and maybe nieces?!) in for the night like little burritos…
And if distance is a barrier, they’ll book the flights to build the relationships, because I think (confidently hope) they’ll remember their fun as kids with cousins, too.
Rebecca Bergman 
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