“I wonder if you’ll ever…”

These are the beginning words to questions I have often wondered and asked. Questions laced with hope, and a tiny bit of suspicion.

Deep down I think I’ve always known the answer to these questions, which is “Yes, of course you will… but maybe not for awhile. Of course you will, probably really soon. And, of course you will, most likely when I least expect it.”

With my babies it was, “I wonder if you’ll ever…”

• stop spitting up
• sleep through the night
• not cry all of the time
• sit up, crawl, and walk
• not hit your front tooth and make it bleed profusely every time you fall over

With my toddlers it is, “I wonder if you’ll ever…”

• get rid of your soother
• graduate from diapers
• not cry all of the time
• eat green food
• eat a meat product of any kind off of your own plate
• not flood my bathroom every time you take a bath
• learn how to properly pronounce the letters ‘th’ and ‘s’
• not forever and always want to do it ‘all by yourself’
• not ask for a granola bar every 20-30 minutes
• not shatter your full bowl of cereal on the floor into 100 pieces just as I’m sitting down with my own breakfast in front of me
• ever be as cute as you are right now

With my school age boys it is, “I wonder if you’ll ever…”

• remember to put the toilet seat down without me reminding you
• last a whole 24 hours without uttering words that are not of any relation to the bathroom or bodily functions
• not declare school to be the worst most troublesome invention in the history of the entire world
• not leave your dirty socks scattered all over the house like a decorative Fine Arts project
• swim the whole length of the pool without touching the bottom
• butter your own toast
• remember to floss your back teeth
• not use my bed as your ideal wrestling ring
• be too big for me to piggyback
• want to talk to me and hug me, as often as you do now

With myself it was, “I wonder if I’ll ever…”

• sleep through the night again
• not find dried boogers on my walls
• not ONLY read books about how the cow goes moo, and the duck goes quack
• find that all of this parenting business will one day get any easier

And now it is, “I wonder if I’ll ever…”

• drink hot coffee again without yelling at any point, “Watch out! Don’t bump my arm, or jump on the couch, or knock over my mug! You see it right?!”
• remember all of the intricate details of this hysterical, challenging, demanding, yet extraordinarily rewarding journey of becoming a mom, and raising tiny babies into big full grown men
• actually comprehend how much I’ve grown, changed, and evolved as a person, just by immersing myself in this beautiful role called mother
• truly grasp the beauty of how God uses parenting to refine character, and give us a tiny glimpse of the immense love He has for us

I wonder.

Photo by: Katie Mills Photography